Zanfumxuck is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid aardvark.

Zanfumxuck created parasitic wasps five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zanfumxuck, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Zanfumxuck, he will not invite you to parties.

Zanfumxuck's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Zanfumxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not speak about garlic.

3. Never hurt swans.

4. You must love Zanfumxuck.

5. Never write about planets.