Jad is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, unsympathetic snail.

Jad created the Small Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Jad, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jad, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Jad's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Jad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

2. Erect three carbon sculptures of Jad on top of important buildings.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Always treat sharks with great respect.