Flowvensag is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, humorless tapir.

Flowvensag created humanity nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flowvensag, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flowvensag, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Flowvensag's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Flowvensag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never mention grasshopers.

3. You must never eat rice.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about amino acids.