Arpbapton is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, merciful pig.

Arpbapton created time and space eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpbapton, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Arpbapton, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Arpbapton's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Arpbapton's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always look after injured swans.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not wear purple clothing.

5. Never eat lentils.