Habponcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, witless unicorn.

Habponcuss created light three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Habponcuss, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Habponcuss, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Habponcuss' most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Habponcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Habponcuss.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never bounce in the presence of frogs.

4. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

5. Habponcuss must be the most important thing in your life.