Vonwotfedquim Ponfabnart is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, irritating jellyfish.

Vonwotfedquim Ponfabnart created water two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonwotfedquim Ponfabnart, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonwotfedquim Ponfabnart, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Vonwotfedquim Ponfabnart's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Vonwotfedquim Ponfabnart's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Always help sick ants.