Gutxemcam is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonourable cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gutxemcam created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutxemcam, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gutxemcam, he will not invite you to parties.

Gutxemcam's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Gutxemcam's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Gutxemcam.

2. Do not dye your hair purple.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.