Fondossjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, impressive dove.

Fondossjarn created carbon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fondossjarn, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fondossjarn, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Fondossjarn's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Fondossjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nematodes.

2. Never jump near seals.

3. Do not hurt tapirs.

4. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

5. Run away from cyan bats, for they are unholy.