Gonweestragyik is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, selfish gorilla.

Gonweestragyik created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonweestragyik, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gonweestragyik, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gonweestragyik's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gonweestragyik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill capybaras.

2. Never eat lemons.

3. Gonweestragyik must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always obey Gonweestragyik's priests.