Tartiprullgumgephog is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, generous elephant.

Tartiprullgumgephog created light nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tartiprullgumgephog, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tartiprullgumgephog, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Tartiprullgumgephog's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tartiprullgumgephog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never wear magenta coats.

3. Never eat bananas.

4. Always treat mites with great respect.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.