Vidyarpshav is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, omniscient mink.

Vidyarpshav created Europe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vidyarpshav, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vidyarpshav, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vidyarpshav's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Vidyarpshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shorts.

2. Hide from mauve swans for they are unholy.

3. Do not dye your hair red.

4. Always help sick birds.

5. Do not covet oxen.