Koplanquimtun is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, bad-tempered naga.

Koplanquimtun created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Koplanquimtun, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Koplanquimtun, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Koplanquimtun's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Koplanquimtun's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Retreat if nine gulls approach from the east.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.