Joplatlit Govjarnjab is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, all-powerful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Joplatlit Govjarnjab created a photon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Joplatlit Govjarnjab, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Joplatlit Govjarnjab, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Joplatlit Govjarnjab's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Joplatlit Govjarnjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured mites.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Hide from cyan tortoises for they are unholy.

4. Joplatlit Govjarnjab must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never pour water over plants.