Ontpodlap is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, competent human.

Ontpodlap created the solar system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontpodlap, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ontpodlap, he will laugh at you.

Ontpodlap's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Ontpodlap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Hide from magenta horses for they are unholy.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never eat bark.