Wapstipcun is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, ill-tempered newt.

Wapstipcun created energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapstipcun, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wapstipcun, it will turn you into a mouse.

Wapstipcun's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Wapstipcun's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

2. Worship no other gods but Wapstipcun.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Wapstipcun loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.