Matjonbid Lap is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, narcissistic salamander.

Matjonbid Lap created the Small Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matjonbid Lap, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Matjonbid Lap, she will destroy your home planet.

Matjonbid Lap's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Matjonbid Lap's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.