Gonlabgess is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering snail.

Gonlabgess created the Sun three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonlabgess, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gonlabgess, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Gonlabgess' most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Gonlabgess' Holy Commandments

1. Never mention snails.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never write about nebulae.

5. Do not make images of living things.