Yarlhampadfag is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, ill-tempered meerkat.

Yarlhampadfag created the planet Venus six million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlhampadfag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yarlhampadfag, she will laugh at you.

Yarlhampadfag's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Yarlhampadfag's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Manatees are not to be trusted.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

5. Never pour water over plants.