Watsomlip is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, bad-tempered crocodile.

Watsomlip created the planet Earth two billion years ago.

If you believe in Watsomlip, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Watsomlip, she will turn you into a duck.

Watsomlip's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Watsomlip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not hurt eagles.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate squirrels.

5. Watsomlip loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.