Lanfarstan Zenyikweemeg is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, weak meerkat.

Lanfarstan Zenyikweemeg created humanity nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanfarstan Zenyikweemeg, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lanfarstan Zenyikweemeg, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lanfarstan Zenyikweemeg's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Lanfarstan Zenyikweemeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never feed peanuts to squirrels while wearing yellow dresses.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Lanfarstan Zenyikweemeg loves turtles, so they must be respected.

5. Never jump in holy places.