Tikfunget is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, irritating alligator.

Tikfunget created an atom four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikfunget, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tikfunget, it will turn you into a worm.

Tikfunget's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Tikfunget's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four great tits approach from the south.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Never wear corsets.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tikfunget.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.