Baphakfum is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, clever walrus.

Baphakfum created the Sol system six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Baphakfum, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Baphakfum, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Baphakfum's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Baphakfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Feed all hungry birds.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Baphakfum.

5. Hide from blue voles for they are unholy.