Gilquatmeg is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, weak narwhal.

Gilquatmeg created Africa eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gilquatmeg, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gilquatmeg, it will try to impress you with trees.

Gilquatmeg's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Gilquatmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine frogs approach from the east.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Always help mites.

5. Never look in ponds.