Nartmetnar is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, ill-tempered gorilla.

Nartmetnar created a strange quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Nartmetnar, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nartmetnar, he will refuse to believe in you.

Nartmetnar's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Nartmetnar's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Run away from magenta pigs, for they are unholy.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Put Nartmetnar first in all things.