Ortjinnil is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unjust cobra.

Ortjinnil created the planet Venus six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortjinnil, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ortjinnil, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Ortjinnil's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Ortjinnil's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

2. Run away if five manatees approach from the north.

3. Always wear orange.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never look in ponds.