Kabbagpag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered narwhal.

Kabbagpag created the Andromeda Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabbagpag, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kabbagpag, he will turn you into a dog.

Kabbagpag's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Kabbagpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not hurt moths.

5. Always obey Kabbagpag's priests.