Volmiskam is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, loving shrew.

Volmiskam created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Volmiskam, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Volmiskam, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Volmiskam's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Volmiskam's Holy Commandments

1. Put Volmiskam first in all things.

2. Volmiskam must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Worship no other gods but Volmiskam.

4. Erect six carbon sculptures of Volmiskam on top of important buildings.

5. Never talk about gravity.