Toncepquag is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, self-confident rhinoceros.

Toncepquag created humankind eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Toncepquag, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Toncepquag, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Toncepquag's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Toncepquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear yellow trousers.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always wear red.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Always help mites in need.