Ratfonfetwapbogwadnak is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, smart dove.

Ratfonfetwapbogwadnak created Europe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratfonfetwapbogwadnak, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Ratfonfetwapbogwadnak, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Ratfonfetwapbogwadnak's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Ratfonfetwapbogwadnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near seals.

2. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.