Bonkfotbud Arpyartjab is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, vain shark.

Bonkfotbud Arpyartjab created dark energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkfotbud Arpyartjab, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bonkfotbud Arpyartjab, he will turn you into a slug.

Bonkfotbud Arpyartjab's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Bonkfotbud Arpyartjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Never feed strawberries to seals while wearing indigo corsets.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

4. Do not wear red clothing.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bonkfotbud Arpyartjab.