Carwandablogxem is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, dishonourable ferret.

Carwandablogxem created snails two million years ago.

If you believe in Carwandablogxem, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Carwandablogxem, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Carwandablogxem's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Carwandablogxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Carwandablogxem.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always obey Carwandablogxem's priests.