Nilstikmab is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, witless hamster.

Nilstikmab created Africa two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilstikmab, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nilstikmab, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Nilstikmab's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Nilstikmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never play with disobedient children.