Tifmablidhadarpdidzanlam Bifkipmin is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, tranquil crow.

Tifmablidhadarpdidzanlam Bifkipmin created Africa eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifmablidhadarpdidzanlam Bifkipmin, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tifmablidhadarpdidzanlam Bifkipmin, it will destroy your favourite star.

Tifmablidhadarpdidzanlam Bifkipmin's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Tifmablidhadarpdidzanlam Bifkipmin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. You must never eat strawberries.