Lopfenveensitfarlun is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, all-powerful spider.

Lopfenveensitfarlun created the Cigar Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopfenveensitfarlun, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lopfenveensitfarlun, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lopfenveensitfarlun's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Lopfenveensitfarlun's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three lead sculptures of Lopfenveensitfarlun on top of important buildings.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Always treat seals with great respect.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Never laugh near dogs.