Cudwablab Kanquillsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, idiotic goat.

Cudwablab Kanquillsaf created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cudwablab Kanquillsaf, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Cudwablab Kanquillsaf, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Cudwablab Kanquillsaf's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Cudwablab Kanquillsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Cudwablab Kanquillsaf loves mites, so they must be respected.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

5. Always help doves.