Gonbabbem is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, selfish camel.

Gonbabbem created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonbabbem, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gonbabbem, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Gonbabbem's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Gonbabbem's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always help goats in need.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Gonbabbem on top of all buildings.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.