Spagxinsas is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, generous pig.

Spagxinsas created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Spagxinsas, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Spagxinsas, he will turn you into a plant.

Spagxinsas' most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Spagxinsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always wear pink.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never feed spinach to tortoises while wearing blue trousers.