Gadguparmwanwabcep is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, almighty lobster.

Gadguparmwanwabcep created gold five million years ago.

If you believe in Gadguparmwanwabcep, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gadguparmwanwabcep, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Gadguparmwanwabcep's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Gadguparmwanwabcep's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not kill tortoises.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not shave your face.