Bagjabbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, intelligent narwhal.

Bagjabbonk created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagjabbonk, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bagjabbonk, it will destroy your favourite star.

Bagjabbonk's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Bagjabbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bagjabbonk.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

5. Respect your elders.