Cimkipnigquaggongam is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, benevolent guinea pig.

Cimkipnigquaggongam created an electron seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cimkipnigquaggongam, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cimkipnigquaggongam, she will torture you forever.

Cimkipnigquaggongam's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Cimkipnigquaggongam's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always wear brown.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.