Bassjarncip is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, sapient wombat.

Bassjarncip created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassjarncip, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bassjarncip, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bassjarncip's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Bassjarncip's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from violet turtles for they are unholy.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

5. Always help tortoises in need.