Xucmathin is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, idiotic newt.

Xucmathin created life six million years ago.

If you believe in Xucmathin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Xucmathin, he will turn you into a mole.

Xucmathin's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Xucmathin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Never wear dresses.