Lagwotbess is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, confident alligator.

Lagwotbess created matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagwotbess, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lagwotbess, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lagwotbess' most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Lagwotbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick capybaras.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Run away if eight aardvarks approach from the south.