Bonfunved is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, compassionate hydra.

Bonfunved created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonfunved, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bonfunved, she will send minions to preach to you.

Bonfunved's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Bonfunved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Bonfunved on top of all buildings.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bonfunved.

5. Always obey Bonfunved's priests.