Ved is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, merciful hippopotamus.

Ved created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ved, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ved, it will turn you into a goat.

Ved's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Ved's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Retreat if four shrews approach from the north.

4. Never mention birds.

5. Do not make images of living things.