Yarpbannar Sawgandud is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, bad-tempered finch.

Yarpbannar Sawgandud created water three million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpbannar Sawgandud, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yarpbannar Sawgandud, she will think nothing of it.

Yarpbannar Sawgandud's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Yarpbannar Sawgandud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about gooseberries.

2. Always look after injured aardvarks.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Retreat if five dogs approach from the north.