Gesspontim is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, proud snail.

Gesspontim created parasitic wasps seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesspontim, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gesspontim, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gesspontim's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Gesspontim's Holy Commandments

1. Gesspontim loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.