Fotmum is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, deceitful dugong.

Fotmum created parasitic wasps three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fotmum, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fotmum, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Fotmum's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Fotmum's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from blue aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Always help sick pigs.

3. Never mention manatees.

4. Never laugh near otters.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.