Parkjigcuss Gonligliggudcin Kemcimgat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, omniscient mole.

Parkjigcuss Gonligliggudcin Kemcimgat created bats four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkjigcuss Gonligliggudcin Kemcimgat, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Parkjigcuss Gonligliggudcin Kemcimgat, he will boil you in a big pot.

Parkjigcuss Gonligliggudcin Kemcimgat's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Parkjigcuss Gonligliggudcin Kemcimgat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Run away if four monkeys approach from the south.

3. Never hurt dolphins.

4. Always look after injured turtles.

5. Always obey Parkjigcuss Gonligliggudcin Kemcimgat's priests.