Matjig is a god.

He takes the form of a small, egotistical lion.

Matjig created matter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matjig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Matjig, he will boil you in a big pot.

Matjig's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Matjig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured capybaras.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not eat aubergines.

5. Never feed figs to dolphins while wearing fawn tights.